Maybe it was the time my (ex)boyfriend’s roommates banged on his bedroom door at 2am on a Wednesday, demanding he shotgun a beer in the kitchen. Naturally, I was naked in the bed, clinging to the covers, angry and exasperated, when they drunkenly ranted in the doorway. Or was it the guy who wore game jerseys on our dates… maybe it was the guy whose sheets hadn’t been washed since his mother came to visit and I kept getting UTIs… at some point I finally wondered, “should I be dating older?” So, I gave it a shot and learned some valuable lessons which I will now share with you, my fellow Gen-Zers.
When you’re in your 20s, the age-appropriate dating pool is filled with trojan horses; handsome, athletic, fun, and funny men shielding their true selves with a thin veneer, effectively masking the fourteen personalities hiding inside that are mostly comprised of Avengers characters, Charles Bukowski, and a little Chris Berman mixed in for good measure. So… my big question… are men who are still single in their 30s or 40s better?
Honestly, it’s a mixed bag. Men over 30 who want to date women 10 years their junior tend to be very good at cultivating a lifestyle that, initially, seems like an improved version of their 22-year-old facsimile. They still live in the city, but in a swankier apartment. The drunk roommates are gone, and the bedsheets are freshly washed. They put thought and effort into taking you to fun venues that are typically out of the price range of younger suitors. But, here is the rub, don’t ever try to win an argument with them. They’ve already decided that they know more than you do, without equivocation. Real estate, literature, technology… your own culture… tut tut, pretty girl, let me explain it to you… Honestly, I can’t blame them. I’m 23 and I would be highly sceptical of any critical assertions made by person younger than myself, especially after I’ve downed a few glasses of Meiomi. So… those are the guys in their early 30s who date 10 years younger.
Now for the guys in their 40s… they fall into two buckets – had kids already and didn’t. The ones that had kids will never talk down to you, not unlike their 35-year-old counterparts. They brought up teenaged girls and they know the wrath of youthful confidence and how it would thwart their ultimate goal of landing a fresh-faced, midlife crisis relationship. They also take their time in every possible way. It’s as if they think about things before doing them; uncanny. At the end of a date with a guy in their 20s, they shoot their shot – forget leaning in for a kiss, they try to get you naked. Men in their 30s will go in for the kiss. In their 40s… they play a long game. And, honestly, the intrigue of it all keeps me very interested. The 40-year-old men who have never had kids are slightly more put together versions of the 35-year-olds, more expensive sheets, better sushi, and a nicer apartment. But they’re still talking down to you. So, what’s wrong with the 40-year-olds who had kids and show you every consideration? They’re embarrassed. They wildly swing between being endlessly proud of the young hottie on their arm to feeling like an older, balding man, driving a gaudy yellow Corvette while hiding his scalp under a tilted Fedora; you know, a complete douchebag. They’re terrified their ex-wife, or her friends, are around every corner. Every comment about the age gap stings them terribly, and there will be plenty of comments, looks, and assumptions. At times, you’ll find yourself being confident for them, buttressing their poise, and that is a drag.
My most important aspect of the relationship: as a woman in her early 20s, can you have satisfying sex with a man over 40? Yes, you’re not going to have that Rockstar sex you love where the guy you met at CrossFit with the abs and arm veins causes you to make noises akin to the killing floor of an emu slaughterhouse. You probably won’t get your hair pulled from behind with both cheeks red from delicious spanks. But, you will enjoy a concerto of oral sex performed on you by a maestro. You will belt and chortle from fingers and tongues that were trained for decades by making women in their 30s and 40s orgasm so consistently, they decided to go halves on a freaking mortgage. Your orgasm is all but guaranteed. And, when you have your toe-curling climax, you’ll be doing it on clean sheets, in an apartment they probably own, bereft of roommates and errant socks on the floor or ketchup smeared plates clogging up the sink. You’ll be able to walk naked through their hallway without fear. And, most importantly, he probably won’t penetrate you until AFTER your orgasm. The entire thing will be a YOU experience, and the man will study your every twitch in an effort to improve. Try getting improvement out of a jackhammering 22-year-old who wears a baseball hat to a white-linen tablecloth restaurant.
Alice
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