Ched and I continued to text for several days. I have never been so torn in my life. I realize now that this was a moment that would forever alter who I was. I could have settled into another year of partying with college boys and occasional older men I met at bars. Or I could choose more time with Chedrick, enjoying his drugs but knowing he was going to use me. I wish I had known the consequences at the time.
Though I hadn’t seen him in over a week, my roommate and I made plans to go clubbing the weekend school began after winter break. We were going out on a Thursday so a day before I texted Ched that I needed some weed for our pregame for the club.
“I got you,” he said. “Come get it.” I was at my place in some gym shorts and a tee shirt. I was reluctant to go see him, but part of me wanted to and was probably using this as an excuse. I threw on some lululemons and brushed my hair enough to look presentable, telling myself I would just go get weed and come home. In my core I knew better. I KNEW better. Ugh.
Fifteen minutes later I walked up to his door and was told to come in from a voice that wasn’t Ched’s. I opened the door and walked past the entry and into a room where Ched and four other guys sat watching basketball. Ched got up and pulled me to him, kissing my cheek but making a show of full on palming my ass in front of his friends. He was the alpha and had first dibs. I told him to stop and he laughed as I pushed away.
“Come on,” he said, nodding up some stairs. I followed him, grateful I didn’t have to linger in front of several intimidating strangers. We got upstairs and we went through a little loft area and into a room with a small twin bed, a couch, and a dresser with a TV – maybe a guest room. “Whatchu need, babygurl?”
“Just some weed,” I said.
“You got cash?” He asked. I didn’t. My body language had to show it. I’d let him practically rape me and asked for more. I’d let him fuck me again if he wanted. I couldn’t believe he was charging me. “You gotta pay baby,” he said. “Or play.” He ran a finger along my jaw. I think I shivered.
“I’ll play,” I said. He gave a clear nod.
“Get on the couch,” he said.
“What, now?” I looked back at the door. It was open and the loft opened to the room below. If he was going to fuck me we weren’t exactly going to be alone.
“You want weed now, bitch?” His eyes pierced me. Tears came to my eyes. Who was this guy who had, at least, been sweet to me before when he wasn’t inside me. “You little white girls all want shit for free.” Another shot to my gut. I felt rage and fear in that moment, as well as envy that there were others. And I don’t know where else I’d get drugs. He ran his hand down my side and on my ass again since I didn’t move to go. “Take these off and get on the couch.” I put my keys down and walked to the couch. I kicked off my shoes and peeled down my leggings, leaving on the bikini cut panties I had on, as well as the tee shirt. I turned and sat down.
“Will you turn off the light?” I asked, feeling like I was pleading. He smirked and turned it out. The room was still faintly lit from the light in the loft, but I felt a bit more unseen. Chedrick stood before me, ran his hands up my hips and grabbed my panties as I lifted my legs to let him remove them. He pushed down his shorts and knelt on the floor between my feet. I had a fleeting thought that he might eat my pussy, but that went away when he jammed two fingers deep inside me. Because of the people who could hear, or see, I wasn’t wet and it hurt. He leaned up and kissed me as I winced, finger fucking me fast but not too deep. He was warming me up.
I got a bit wet and when he decided I was ready, his two first fingers withdrew from my little opening, and I opened my mouth as they jutted into that direction. He filled my mouth deep with them at the same time his cock pressed as far inside me as it could. I winced because it still hurt. He wrapped a thumb under my chin and jolted my face toward his.
“Don’t bite me,” he said sternly as his hips started slapping his body into mine. His other hand pressed against the inside of my thigh, which opened me up and made me feel super vulnerable. He turned his eyes lower, one hand in my mouth, the other spreading me out, as he watched himself destroy the little girl beneath him. It was cold, it was raw, and it was impersonal. I wasn’t his babygurlll….I was a slut who couldn’t pay for his drugs.
I closed my eyes as he rode me. I could hear the men below laughing because they heard the girl upstairs whimpering and getting railed. Chedrick fucked me for maybe 10 minutes before pulling my mouth toward him as he stood up, then he came in my mouth.
“Yeahhhhh,” he almost whispered. “Your ass ain’t as good as cash,” he said. “Next time it’s cash or it’s worse.” He pulled his shorts on as he lectured me. I searched for my panties and pulled on my leggings as he opened a dresser drawer and handed me a pretty small baggie of weed. I happily took it so that I could go, then grabbed my keys. I fought back tears as I very quickly untangled my hair.
“Why are you an asshole?” I mumbled.
“You think you’re the only college girl I can get?” He asked. “Bitch I got high school girls tryin’ to get shit. You ain’t even got my attention.” I huffed off, and he followed me closely down the stairs. A couple guys downstairs whooped and cheered as I quickly raced past them and to the entry. I felt humiliated. When I got to the door I tried to fling it open to go, but it was locked. Chedrick groped my ass good one more time and licked my neck as I fumbled to open it. “You’ll be back, babygurl,” he said in my ear. I swatted my hand behind me, low past my ass, creating separation as I left. I didn’t turn around as I quick stepped to my car. I didn’t want Chedrick to see my tears.
And I didn’t correct him as I fled.
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